Indie

I think I have finally come to grips with the fact that Indie most likely has Autism. We've not had him officially diagnosed yet, and it will most likely be a while before we do. It might never happen, who knows. Right now I feel like he is getting the services he needs and we are working with a wonderful woman by the name of Megan Heath who is helping us understand where Indie is at developmentally and what we need to do to help him become not just verbal, but a good communicator and eventually a good logical thinker.

This journey for me began before I even had kids. I think Heavenly Father knows what experiences each of us needs. In my case I found a job working at a preschool for children on the Autistic Spectrum just after Scott and I were married. I worked there for nearly two years before I had Annicka. That job made me very aware of my children's developement. I began watching each of them as they came along looking for signs of Autism and after Annicka and Park I was relieved. As I've watched Indie grow the knowledge slowly came. I knew something was wrong about the time he was 18 months and he was doing crazy things to meet his sensory needs. Then he just wasn't talking, his eye contact wasn't great. After working with Kids on the Move and the Occupational Therapist explaining what Sensory Processing Disorder is, I knew that was what Indie has. I still very strongly believe that Indie's sensory issues are what is causing all of his developemental delays. That said, I know that if he were seen by a child phsycologist, the sum total of his symptoms would put him on the Autisic Spectrum. I know my Heavenly Father has been preparing me for this for a long time. But I still don't know why it's been so hard for me to acknowledge that my child has Autism. I guess my biggest fear is that others, including those in the school district, will take that label and use it to hamper his progress. I think that fear comes from my own original narrow-minded idea of what Autism is and what it means for children who have it. Even after working with those children for a while I still didn't understand what it really is. I could identify it, and if you described certain things to me I could say, "Yeah, they probably have Autism." I would see other people's children and think, "that child probably has Autism." It's only been since I've watched Indie grow and learn, albeit very slowly, that I've really come to understand that Autism isn't the child. I've heard lots of people say that before, that the child isn't their diagnosis. And to a certain degree I understood, but I didn't to the degree that I do now. That children with Autism just learn differently. It takes more practice and a lot longer, but they can learn to not just talk, but communicate in meaningful ways and build relationships. I've also learned that this challenge is meant for him. This is his earthly experience. And while I am affected by his challenge and need to do what I can to help, this is his. This experience was chosen specifically for him. So that he can learn and grow in the ways that he needs to. And honestly as difficult as it is, I wouldn't change it for the world.